Pulling Up the Roots of Bitterness

NOTE: This is the concluding post to the series on forgiveness (see previous posts below).

My wife is the gardener in the family, though I sometimes help. We clear a space, dig a hole, enrich the soil, plant the seeds, and water them. The reward for our labor comes when a tiny shoot pushes through the earth—as long as it's a flower or vegetable and not a weed. Unfortunately, weeds seem to multiply more easily and crowd out the plants we want to grow.

Bitterness is much like a weed. A seed takes root deep beneath the surface before it appears above the ground. At first it may seem harmless, but unless it's pulled out by the root, it will only return stronger than before.

The same is true of bitterness. Left unchecked, it poisons relationships. It robs us of the desire to seek reconciliation, keeps us divided, and often draws others into our resentment.

That is far less than the abundant life Jesus came to give us (John 10:10).

Steps Toward Forgiveness

Here are a few practical steps toward forgiveness and the freedom it brings:

1. Acknowledge the hurt without minimizing it. Joseph didn't excuse his brothers' actions. He told them, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" (Genesis 50:20). Forgiveness begins by honestly naming the wound.
2. Remember how much God—and others—have forgiven you. Gratitude for God's grace softens our hearts toward those who have hurt us.
3. Release the offender to God. Justice ultimately belongs to Him, not to us (Romans 12:19).
4. Pray for the person. Jesus calls us to pray for those who mistreat us (Matthew 5:44), even when our feelings haven't yet caught up with our decision to forgive.
5. Choose forgiveness again when old wounds resurface. Deep wounds often require repeated acts of forgiveness. Choosing to forgive again doesn't mean your first decision was insincere. It means healing is often a process.

When it's wise and safe, extending forgiveness face to face can be a beautiful step toward reconciliation. However, some situations call for healthy boundaries. In those cases, it can be helpful to speak your words aloud to an empty chair that represents the person or to write a letter expressing your thoughts and emotions. You may need to write more than one draft—the first to pour out the hurt, the next to express it with honesty and grace rather than retaliation. Whether you send the letter or destroy it, the exercise can help release the emotional burden you've been carrying.

Christian psychologist Dr. Everett Worthington has spent decades researching forgiveness. His work suggests that forgiving others can reduce anxiety, improve physical and emotional health, and deepen our relationship with God.

As bitterness loosens its grip, you'll find yourself moving more freely through life, embracing others more openly, and enjoying a deeper fellowship with the God who has forgiven you so completely.

Thank you for a moment of your time,

David Harlen

Other posts, in this series:

1. ​An Introduction: Forgiveness Isn't For Them—It's For You​
2. ​God Forgives Us—And That Changes Everything​
3. ​Forgiveness isn't Optional for Believers—It's Essential​
4. ​Jesus’s Example: Forgiveness in the Midst of Pain​

Post Script

It's out: Behold, All Things Are Become New (2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV). Will Tyler remain chained by the abuse his father inflicted—or find the freedom of forgiveness?